Time and Punishment [UPDATED]

This section can also be used for scripts and such. I've been thinking about making a small series in which we have short films. They can be "scary shorts" similar to Tales from the Crypt and Fear Itself. I don't know what it will be called or even how many episodes we'll do but, I've taken the liberty upon myself to write the first scene of a scary short film. I've got a pretty cool idea and it will develop further. Tell me if you think we should do this "show" and wether or not you want to write a scary short film.

Here is the first scene of the episode "Time and Punishment"




SCENE 1

INT. DANIEL’S HOUSE- WORK ROOM.


Shot pans open to a ROOM lined with scattered paint cans and brushes. The Room is a mess of paint supplies. Shot panes across table and down to the floor. Shot moves to a CLOCK which lies smashed upon the floor. The hands on the CLOCK are still ticking. BLOOD pours down the CLOCK. VOICE OVER commences.



The shot changes to a light room where two people are sitting.

TIME AND PUNISHMENT

SCENE 2

INT. HOSPITAL- BED




DANIEL sits up in his HOSPITAL BED. His head is bandaged and he is covered in bruises and sores. He awakes and looks down at his hands which are wrapped in bandages. DANIEL moves and cries out lightly in pain.



SARAH looks down nervously.



DANIEL closes his eyes and his flashes back to see himself storming out of a house and walking angrily down the street. He turns into a blinding light and CAR SCHREECHES can be heard.



DANIEL tries to sit up and falls back down into the bed in pain.



SARAH sobs for a minute before staring back up at DANIEL.



SARAH cries lightly into a Kleenex.



DANIEL stirs uncomfortably and stares into the distance. SARAH lightly hugs him and sits back down. DANIEL’s face is read-less.





INT. DANIEL’S HOUSE-WORKROOM.

DANIEL is working in front of a canvas. His HANDS are still bandaged but his right hand is holding a PAINTBRUSH. Painting and drawing TOOLS surround him. SARAH is sitting on the BED behind him.



DANIEL is furious and he drops his BRUSH onto the ground. SARAH holds onto him and tries to calm him down.



The CANVAS is revealed, showing a poorly painted beach.



DANIEL yells and stands up in anger.



DANIEL throws and rips the CANVAS.



DANIEL storms out of the room, leaving SARAH who stands up and walks over to the torn CANVAS. SHE lifts up the torn picture of the poorly painted beach. She begins to cry.



INT. STREET- OUTSIDE

DANIEL is seen standing outside of an OFFICE. He is being pushed towards the door by SARAH. He is wearing gloves.



DANIEL smiles weakly and walks up the steps into the building.

The scene changes to Dr. Walter’s office where DANIEL is sitting annoyed, and across from him is DR. WALTERS.



DANIEL stares angrily at Dr. WALTERS.



INT. BUILDING- WALTERS OFFICE

DANIEL is sitting and looking much healthier; his bruises have disappeared and he is wearing gloves. DR. WALTERS is sitting across from him.



DANIEL seems hesitant.

It's... good... but I can't help but feel you've drawn a lot of the basis from Heroes. Before I got to the last few dialogue, I would have said Doctor Who.

A challenged man able to paint the future...sounds alittle like Isaac to me. I don't know. I need bit more on the story to make a full judgement on how it'd be. Might be a good concept...

It's alot different than any of you think. I've written alot further and the notion of Issac Mendes dissappears pretty quickly. Plus...I've never seen Doctor Who. Any of you guys have any ideas for a horror short?

Its okay, it seems you got the last part from heroes.

I might have one, but it might be a few days before I post up an actual post about it.

Disscuss it a bit on the site! I would like to here it!

I've posted scene two of my episode, Time and Punsihment. As you can see it's developing a backstory.

Ill post it up soon enough. About that, I had trouble with the first part of scene two. I think there should be a delayed reaction then the guy making remarks about his farther. Not just immediately, you know to show he does care alittle and that way the Dr. Walter scenes can be more interesting in depth about how the guy really feels about the farther. Are you sure you want to use him as the farther? (the driver) I mean, even the sister thing didn't really fit with me. I think it should be a girlfriend boyfriend sort of thing and make it a kind of an ex-boyfriend who was driving the vehicle. Thats my idea for that.

My short, its going to first have a backstory about some girl who fell in love with a library then her ghost haunts the library years later where it picks out a victom based on the stories she read and makes the person sorta be the character. Its hard to explain but I'll post something explaining it later.

I haven't read the rest of it yet, but I plan to at some point.

We are allowed to post stories besides Horror here, right? I honestly despise the genera, which is why my drive to finish my part of Epidemic took so long. I've honestly gone to see a horror movie before, and was bored enough to fall asleep.

I dunno, post up another topic with another genre then.

Chaos44556 wrote:

Ill post it up soon enough. About that, I had trouble with the first part of scene two. I think there should be a delayed reaction then the guy making remarks about his farther. Not just immediately, you know to show he does care alittle and that way the Dr. Walter scenes can be more interesting in depth about how the guy really feels about the farther. Are you sure you want to use him as the farther? (the driver) I mean, even the sister thing didn't really fit with me. I think it should be a girlfriend boyfriend sort of thing and make it a kind of an ex-boyfriend who was driving the vehicle. Thats my idea for that.

Well I'm not taking your advice, I like it how it is. It has to be short and I'm not wasting too much time on the backstory. He clearly hated his father so I'm not going that have him feel sorry for him. Oh and that "make it be a girlfriend/boyfriend thing and ex-boyfriend hits him with a car" is lame and been done so many times before. Yeah, you guys can post anything you want in this section. Oh and Nick! If you say "Farther" one more time, I'm going to kill you!

It's pretty good Bryan. I like the whole time lasp thing like in Heroes Six Months Ago episode. I might have an idea, but I won't post anything yet till I develop a strong enough plot.

Reading it now!

I suppose Nicks official title is now Soof Dose Farther the First

TIME AND PUNISHMENT

SCENE 3

INT. DANIEL’S HOUSE- WORK ROOM

DANIEL sits uncomfortably in front of a new CANVAS. He sits impatiently while holding his BRUSH. He turns abruptly at the sound of a phone ring. He answers the phone.



CUT TO- SARAH is sitting at her own HOUSE. She smiles as she talks into the PHONE.



CUT TO- DANIEL



CUT TO- SARAH



CUT TO- DANIEL

.

CUT TO- SARAH



CUT TO- DANIEL



CUT TO- SARAH




CUT TO- DANIEL



CUT TO- SARAH



CUT TO- DANIEL



CUT TO- SARAH



CUT TO- DANIEL



CUT TO- SARAH



CUT TO- DANIEL



DANIEL hangs up the phone and returns to his CANVAS. He begins to PAINT. The colors run and mix as he tries to paint a form. The screen FADES TO BLACK.

CUT TO- MORNING: Where DANIEL is lying on the floor with his paint supplies knocked over. He awakes slowly and rises uncomfortably. He stands up and looks around, confused and disoriented.



DANIEL stops abruptly and stares down at his CANVAS. There is a WELL-DRAWN PAINTING OF A FIGURE THAT HAS FALLEN ONTO PAVEMENT. ANOTHER FIGURE IS STANDING ABOUT THE OTHER. DANIEL looks extremely confused and almost horrified.



CUT TO- DR. WALTER’S OFFICE

DR. WALTERS is sitting across from DANIEL. DR. WALTERS is looking at DANIEL’S PAINTING.



DANIEL becomes ecstatic and emotional.

Better, but it seems alot like Issac from Heroes. It really does. I'll just have to wait for the rest of the thing to be posted up.

They are actually totally different...but whatever. Anyways, as the story progresses you'll see why they are not even close to be the same character. Gezz, is my character a heroin addict that has a gene that gives him the ability to paint the future?...yeah...thought not.

BTW- I have another two episodes that I'm writting. One is more of a horror story than my current one is.

Must these all be in Script format?

No, you can write it like a story if you want...

I'd rather not put Qwamus in a script. Besides, I'd think the idea wouldn't be filmable with our current budget.

I'll put mine on a script.
No, I didn't say that. Just the ability and the painint seems familiar.

The powers are the same, but the character itself is totally different.

Exactly....except that Daniel doesn't have powers...well, a power that enables him to paint the future. You will see...soon enough

Can't wait for it then

Mike and Nick- you guys should write yours over the weekend.

Allright then, but I'm pretty busy.